dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
