I'm going to jail i love you
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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