All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
