your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
