We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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