So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
