Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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