I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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