so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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