Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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