So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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