A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
