you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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