He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
cat food counts as protein by the way
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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