So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
