I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
