'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
