my vag is so smooth its legendary
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
