his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
that may or may not have been my penis.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
