I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
