I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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