It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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