If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just pee around me
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
