why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
