Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
