R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
