Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
