I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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