things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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