Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
