she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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