WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
