is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
