if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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