My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
