you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
