Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
