And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
