Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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