Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
