true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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