i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
