so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
now i know why i became what i already was.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
