Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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