if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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