oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
