Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize