Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize