she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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