i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
