Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
