You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
