He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
