Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
