a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
