hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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