guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
