I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I touched a dick in church today
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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