Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
