She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
