I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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