Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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